the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
