All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
