did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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