do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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