she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
