My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
