I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
