I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
