btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize