next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
