..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
