fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
