i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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