I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
