How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
