If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
