awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
