why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
