dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
