The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
