Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Randomize
