there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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