dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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