Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize