There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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