im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
