my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
