Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
