OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
