i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
