New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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