Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
