I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
