I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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