The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
