I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
did you just send me my own nude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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