Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
