Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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