what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
