Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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