ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
