good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
