check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
