had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
