OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
