All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
