alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
