So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
