The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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