i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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