Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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