i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
