My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize