You're my little dorito
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
