i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
