Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
