The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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