i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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