And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
