how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
