We named our party play list daddy issues
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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