So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
