sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I just put wine in my tea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
