Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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