im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
