If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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