Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
