Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
40s are totally the cure
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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